it started with me deleting pics from google photos
low on space
i had been crabby
a bit moany and jealous about some silly things
wrote a bit
on a big sticky note
sat alone
pushed away
realized i needed to pull back in
refocused myself
and chose to create fun
family tetris challenge
and intense scrabble for the four of us
and while i waited, i looked at pictures to open up memory on my phone and ready my game log
reflecting on all that happened over 2020
2020 was a great year for our family
time on our boat--LOTS of time on our boat
swimming swimming swimming
kayaking, running, fishing, skateboarding, snowboarding, skiing
golfing, games, cooking, baking, laughing
sour dough starter started..... crackers made, many loaves attempted--starter stopped
drive by birthdays, door drop birthdays, zoom birthdays, outside birthdays
friend time in person when we could--and making it count
family time squeezed in creative ways
big lake fishing
cancelled vacations but grieving together and finding ways to be happy together
big emotions felt. communication increased. openness shared.
family appreciated.
and for me personally
growth was great
moved through some hard shit to focus on the harder shit
worked a LOT
realized my own down time has worth
and time with my family is necessary
left a therapy relationship that needed to end
moved on to a new therapist to empower me
phobias are feeling less substantial are still there but i give them less power
i am using better tools and maybe more importantly with intentionality
i am building a tool box--using my medications, coloring, reading, writing, talking, letting love love on me and just hold me
i am working on relaxing. our beautiful space is a catalyst for that--it is easy to relax when what you i love is right in your my own home and yard--my love, the kids, the dog, outdoor space to eat, the water, the boat, the deck, the sun, the snow. it is easy to relax when you i give myself permission to be happy.
i am not perfect. 2020 was not perfect. HOWEVER i am happy. and 2020 was good. we all grow from ALL the moments--the good, the hard, the in between.
my reflections written into my game log