Tutu Fabulous

My lovely talented friend Kirstin Frank designs and creates beautiful things from Tulle! I had her create this tutu and head piece for my neighbor's birthday and the tutu balls as decorations for my house! I will put her link up here so you can feel free to check out her one of a kind custom creations! I am so PLEASED with the products! 

 

 

 

Word World

Jack LOVES to learn--I am so happy we are growing little nerds :) To help his process, we have created a WORD WORLD in our home--we have gone through and labeled many different objects so he is bombarded with words daily. He loves to look at them and "read" (he is starting to get sounds and trying to sound out words--and he knows all 26 letters). Luke is also benefiting as he walks around and points to things and "reads" as well :)

Menu for the Week

Saturday: Pizza Hut :)

Sunday: Homemade Mushroom Marsala Chicken over Angel Hair Pasta, Salad

Monday: Shredded Chicken Tacos with Cilantro Lime Rice Rice

Tuesday: French Toast and Bacon and Fruit Salad

Wednesday: Grilled Round Steak with Veggie Skewers: Peppers,Onions, Mushrooms Red Skins and Bread

Thursday: Baked Shrimp OR Kielbasa, Tomato/Basil/Moz Salad and Roasted Potatoes/Sweet Potatoes

What does Dead mean?

listening to my children talk and having conversations with me tends to make me philosophical (okay you are right...i tend to do that okay on my own as well :D)

a few days ago, luke brought up uncle tom in conversation. as we talked about him, luke reminded me he is dead (such an inocent little guy for such a heavy hearted conversation for me) but continued to say that he was going to fix him. i was curious to how luke might fix tom so i asked him. luke told me that he would get his tools out of the basement and put uncle tom back together so he was all better. it about broke my heart to think of this sweetness coming out of my almost 3 year old as he wanted so bad to fix things for me. we spent a while discussing that dead meant that your arms and legs don't work anymore--that you can't move--you can't breathe, etc. luke seemed to get it and went on with his day.

today jack, luke and i were driving in the car when i ran over a dead squirrel (already dead thank you very much). jack had seen it and announced to us that it was dead, dead, dead! in response to this, luke again shared that he would get his tools and fix that squirrel. it was interesting to listen to the boys while this was happening. jack tried to explain that tools would not fix the squirrel--that he was dead--it could not breathe anymore and would be going to heaven. luke said he would go to heaven and fix the squirrel there. jack continued to try and help luke figure out what dead meant. he did a pretty good job and i helped add a few things. 

it was apparent tonight that luke is getting what dead means. at story time, we were talking with josh about our day and i shared with him about the squirrel from earlier. luke brought up that we also have a dead deer in the back corner of our lot (from early this past winter). he shared with josh that tools would not be able to fix the deer. he seemed thoughtful for a minute and then asked what the white things were. josh gave a thoughtful pause and then gave him the answer--bones (the deer is pretty much gone now). jack and luke seemed to think about this for a minute and i was getting worried that they would ask about why we saw the deer's bones now and didn't see them before..... but instead of asking, jack offhandedly mentioned that the animals are eating the deer and that was about it.  

my boys have brought up that question all week: what does dead mean???? i mean, i know what happens physically when you are dead but when you take it to other levels, what does dead really mean??? i found myself talking to tom the other day as if he were with me and if you had asked me at that moment, i would have told you i felt his presence--i swear he was in the truck with me. does dead mean the ones we have lost can still see us? do they know what we are doing? do they know we are talking to them? do they visit with each other? are they spirits? do they have bodies? do they have emotions--can they feel pain, sadness, joy? spiritually, where are they?  i know there are no answers, because as i told luke, we really don't know what heaven looks like or where it is and we won't know until we die, but i think it is healthy for me to question.

A Friend's Pain

in the past year i have reconnected with one of my good friends from high school. we went our separate ways after hs and now live in different cities. it had been close to 9 years since i had chatted with her. it has been so great getting back in her life! when tom died, heather was there for me--she came to the visitation, funeral, etc. she gave me so much support and continues to do so. it was with a heavy heart that i learned yesterday that her dad passed away over the weekend. i do not have many details at this time but from what i can gather, he died in a cardiac unit at a nearby hospital. i am so sad for her. i have so many wonderful memories of her family from high school. her mom and dad were so supportive and friendly--they always included me in whatever they were doing as a family.thinking about losing a parent makes me feel vulnerable. heather is not even 30 and she has lost her dad. i can't help but think of what it would be like to lose a parent at this point in my life. my thoughts and prayers are with heather, her mom and her sister (and her sister's husband/kids). please take a moment and send a prayer or thought of peace their way :) i appreciate it!

Menu--Change in Plans

Updated from last week :)

Sunday 21st
  Pork Tenderloins, Asparagus, Pineapple, C antelope, Squashed Rosemary Potatoes

Monday 22nd
Spaghetti, Grandpa Bread, Salad or Broccoli

Tuesday 23rd
Baked breaded shrimp, fries/tator tots, fruit

Wednesday 24th
Appts--Sandwiches or Eggs

Thursday 25th
Appts--Eat Out

Friday 26th
Burgers

questions :)

both of my boys are chatterboxes--i know that probably shocks you :D  lately they are into questions..... here some some examples from yesterday that i found quite entertaining! 

• what are those tubes in your body called (veins/arteries) and what do they carry? -Jack 
• why we wash our hands? -Luke 
• how do you put carpet on the floor? -Jack 
• how are cars, trucks, vans, busses and all things with wheels made? -Jack 
• how are motorcyles made? how are dirt bikes made? -Luke
• what is the machine that looks inside of your body? (x-rays, ultrasound, sonogram)  what does a "sour gram" do?-Jack
• what does oxygen do for your body? (his response to this discussion of oxygen and carbon dioxide and plant respiration vs. people respiration led to him saying, well good thing we have plants so we can breathe) -Jack 

gosh i love that my boys are so curious! i hope to foster that curiosity and encourage him to ask lots of questions :) 

According to Jack

tonight i had some special time with jack. he was laying in his bed when i got home from grad class and not yet tired enough to sleep so i lay down next to him and visited. we took turns asking each other questions. after answering a few of his, my question to him was how do you know mom loves you. at first he responded with "typical" answers. he knew i love him because i tell him, because i hug him and because when he gets hurt i give him a bandaid. then i pointed out a few things that i do that show him that i love him--i told him when i make him a homemade dinner i am showing him how much i love him and when i share with him one of my treats i am showing him i love him. he was quiet for a minute and then responded by saying, well when dad and you made my bed you were showing me how much you love me and when dad builds legos with me, he shows me how much he loves me. :) that just warmed my heart! i love that jack is figuring out that our actions show him how much we love him.

Rememberance

since tom's death, i find that i am not great at "scheduling" time to talk about tom, his accident, my memories, etc. what i mean by this is, i have had so many (including my loving sister) who have asked if we can make time to sit and talk. i find this does not work for me---i do much better when i spontaneously reminisce, share, grieve (which is why my blog is such a good spot for me to share--whatever time of the day or night it is, i can blog and get out whatever i need to share). i know this spontaneity  is hard for others--like slight them by not being able to share but can so freely share by blogging. i find it interesting that i can talk up a storm about so many things and yet i cannot talk so easily about tom. i have a MUCH easier time writing......

i realized recently that lynda and i have not spent much time since tom's death talking about his accident, the days following, the months following...etc. this might be because we are both grieving so hard or it might be because i blog and feel better and she talks and feels better. i also think that it is hard for me to talk to my family about tom's death because we are ALL so close to the situation and perhaps i thought it would just be too real if we talked about it.

well today, we were able to come together and share tom. :) we were one of her friend's parents' house (her friend now lives in Texas but lynda is still close to her friend's parents) making maple syrup, visiting and sharing a meal. when brunch was over, it seemed like the stars aligned and gave us OUR time to share and grieve. everyone left the room except me, lynda and her friend's mom. my boys occupied themselves for a LONG time and gave us the chance to visit.  the subject of tom came up and donna remembered hearing he had died but did not know many details. we started from the beginning and shared our story--from that awful phone call, to the visitation and funeral, to the months following. we even talked about grandma's death in june and how strong tom had been for grandpa and mom. we shared how much he guided our family and took so much weight off our others' shoulders. tom was such a God-send in those days leading up to grandma's death and the months after.

i feel like the dam has been opened and lynda and i have now gotten OUR grieving process started. perhaps now it will be easier for me to share. i sure hope so. i love her so much and want to let her in so we can help each other.

Surprise Date Night

i love my husband :) yesterday, while at work, i got an email asking me if i would like a date. he had his mom all lined up to take the boys :):) of course i was SUPER excited. he was so sweet and placated my requests! we had an super tasty supper at bonefish grill (oh my gosh is all i can say--yummo!) where we had never been before. from there, he took me shopping.... :) i have lost a pants size in the past few months and i am tempted to get new jeans..... so we went to the mall and looked around. i found pants i liked but i am so hoping to drop another size so i did not buy any but it sure did feel good to know they fit! :) we did spend some money at old navy but mostly for the boys :) it was a great way to spend an evening together and i love that he knew that shopping was just what i needed :)

So That's Where Maple Syrup Comes From

Lynda and John love a good adventure and they love to take us with them :) (and Lynda loves to show off her Nephews I think). On this rainy Saturday morning, our adventure found us at the home of one of their friend's parents. They don't live too far from us and boil up their own maple syrup! We spent the morning out in the cold wind (and slight drizzle) talking about how sap is tapped, collected, strained, boiled, strained again, and finished into maple syrup. It was a great experience for all of us. It was so nice to be welcomed by their friends and embraced as if we have known them for years. Donna even made us a brunch with homemade peach jam and raspberry jelly (made by grandpa). Before we left, they gave us a jar of homemade syrup from a previous batch. We had such a nice time and I love that we gave the boys another life experience! What a nice way to spend a cold Saturday morning :) Thanks John and Lynda for so much fun! 

Menu :) REVISED 3/17/10 :D

I had to make some revisions :)

Thursday

Kielbasa, Baked Potatoes, Broccoli 

Friday

DATE NIGHT--SURPIRSE from Josh!

Saturday
Steak and Onion Sandwiches, Chips and Fruit Salad


Sunday

Marinated Grilled Chicken, Salad, Cilantro Rice, Garlic Bread 

 

Monday

Ham, Roast Beef and Turkey Sandwiches, Veggies Sticks with Ranch, Fruit, Chips 

 

Tuesday
Ribs, Mashed Potatoes, Fruit

Wednesday
Tacos and Cilantro Rice (leftover from Sunday)

Thursday
Lighter Sesame Chicken, (broccoli) Rice (extra for Thursday), Egg Rolls (bread for boys) 

 

Friday

Boys on their Own

Saturday 20^th
Boneless Pork Chops, Roasted potatoes/sweet potatoes, Asparagus 

Sunday 21st
Spaghetti , Bread, Brocoli

Monday 22nd
Kabobs (steak, peppers, onions, mushrooms, red skins), Bread (homemade from Grandpa) and Fruit

Tuesday 23rd
Chicken Marsala with mushrooms over Linguine, Bread (homemade from Grandpa), Fruit

Wednesday 24th
Appts--Sandwiches or Eggs

Thursday 25th
Appts--Eat Out

Friday 26th
Lasangna (home made--thawed)

Bedtime Prayers

tonight as we got ready for bed, luke mentioned he was feeling sad about uncle tom so we paused our reading for a minute to pray. when i pray with the boys, i like to make it more of a conversation with God. so tonight we folded our hands and i started our prayer with "hey God, luke is feeling sad right now about uncle tom. we hope you are taking care of him" and then i paused to give the boys a chance to add to it if they wanted. luke did a lot of repeating but jack added quite a bit. he asked God to care for grandma beep beep (my mom's mom who passed away in june) and to take care of us on Earth because we are so sad about uncle tom. he also asked God to help us be curious and learn about things. i started to end our prayer with "thank you for today and thank you for all we have" and jack chimed in, "thank you for making us be us. i love you God. amen" i don't know about you but i think that is a pretty darn good prayer for us to end our day with.

Synonyms and Antonyms

it was just jack and i in the car tonight on our short 10 minute ride home from the farm. somehow we got on the discussion of words that mean the same thing, like tired and sleepy. this led to the conversation of synonyms and antonyms--he loved these words :) we spent the majority of our ride sharing examples and when we had a lull, jack would beg for more! :D (that 4.5 year old kiddo cracks me up) as we neared home, i said, oh my gosh--antonym and opposite mean the same thing and that makes them SYNONYMS! jack thought that was super funny and giggled the right into the driveway :)

i love that jack loves to know things :) i also love that he shares our (josh and mine) nerdy sense of humor! we have such great kiddos!

Lincoln Logs

when i was a kiddo, i spent quite a bit of time at my grandma's house (well both grandma's actually but today i am reminiscing about my grandma on my dad's side of the family). we (tom, lynda and i) loved to get together with our cousins and play! we had wonderful imaginations and spent a lot of time sliding down her carpeted stairs, playing lincoln logs, playing with this random baby toy were the balls had to fall through various levels, etc. etc. etc. 

the other day, i had posted on fb about playing with legos and one of my cousins reminded me of how great lincoln logs were for us. the next day, the boys asked to get them out and of course i obliged :) it was a wonderful morning saturday with my boys as we built with lincoln logs. there is something so wholesome and pure about building with them. it was a great way to spend our time.

Sunset Walk

We took a walk tonight as the sun was setting so we could savor the last little bit of this beautiful March day!

Accomplished

over the weekend i was able to do lots of stuff and that has made me feel accomplished :) i got:

"armored vehicles" made from egg cartons for action heroes
entire living room and kitchen area cleaned--including the floors
made a lincoln log compound
jack's room rearranged and cleaned
luke's room cleaned
things hung on the walls in both boys rooms and my office
cleaned my office
ate out for a surprise bday and hosted the after gathering at our house
2 of 3 bathrooms cleaned
a total of 7.3 miles run
blogged :) 
played with my boys
watched josh make home made angel food cake
lots of dishes
enjoyed the sunshine with the boys :)
vacuumed and wiped out both vehicles
had coffee with my wonderful hubby
had the neighbor over to play with the boys
rode bikes in the driveway
walk on the farm 

and so much more i am sure that i cannot remember :)

Ahhhh Time with My Honey :)

seems like josh and i are very busy lately--we make time for the boys, for work, for the house, for the boys, for home made meals, for the boys, for exercise, for the boys..... but have not gotten much time lately to chat just the two of us. every time we try to have more than a three minute conversation, it seems like someone needs us :) even in the evenings when we sit down, it is hard to have conversation because either work gets in the way (both of us are at fault) or we are just too darn tired and need to sit and veg. this morning was a nice treat. the boys were downstairs playing peacefully together so josh and i got almost an hour to sit, drink coffee and just talk! it was wonderful :):) it was a great way to start our Saturday! :)

gold rush cigarettes

much to my disdain, tom loved his fancy little gold rush cigarettes. time and time again we had that conversation of how bad they were for him.... and that did nothing :) and much to my chagrin, i actually like the smell :) they are not like a normal stinky cigarette; they are these teeny tiny little things that have a very sweet smell. 

the weekend was tough for me. something very small set me off on a racing roller coaster of emotions. something that was not even sad to think about. this thought occurred during my grad class (thankfully after my huge presentation) and i held it together until class ended....and that was all i could do. i sobbed all the way home. and in addition to sobbing, i called josh and could not (would not?) tell him what was wrong and therefore started a really (really really really) ridiculous argument. i was able to call lynda and share with her and in doing so, got myself back together for a few minutes. that gave me enough peace to apologize to josh and explain my emotional roller coaster. for a while i was good. we took the boys sledding and enjoyed an afternoon in the beautiful sunshine. about the time we were getting ready to pack up, i had another sad moment where i just wanted to cry. and coincidentally, at that same time, my nose picked up that famlliar scent. i looked around and found a man, holding a fire pager, smoking gold rush cigarettes. the memories of tom flooded back but this time i was not sad. i felt his presence and peace. that smell brought back tom for me--even if it was just for a moment.

i definitely was on a roller coaster this weekend. i am grateful for the support i have--josh is amazing to me, even when i pick fights and try to argue over nothing. he understands me better than i understand myself some days :) i am also grateful for lynda. she is so good to me, even as we both struggle through this difficult time.