An Inner Most Secret

here is a totally honest blog. i am revealing some of my most secret, inner thoughts. if you are not ready to make that kind of a commitment to me--to hear my inner secrets and then support me, now would be the time to stop reading.

i have a specific phobia disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. who knows how long i have struggled with these but it was diagnosed about 4 years ago. my struggles for sure date all the way back to at least 4th grade where i spent the entire school year struggling with school anxiety and school phobia. one of my phobias manifests itself in puke. i know none of us like puke; it is nasty, stinky and darn right gross. but for someone with a phobia, i used to go to great lengths to avoid it at all costs and even tried to "control" situations so it would never occur. my phobia was so controlling i eventually stopped going to movies, out to dinner or anywhere there were groups of people. phobias are very stressful for the person but can be even more stressful for the spouse. it is with josh's support that i sought help. i went through a very intense 10 week course of behavioral-cognitive therapy where i learned to relax, learned to stop trying to control situations, learned how to get rid of false safety measures (like having 20 plus plastic bags in the car) and to overcome my phobias. most of my phobia training centered around exposure therapy--examples would be watching movies where people puke, visualizing situations that cause me anxiety, being around puke, etc. since it was hard to get puke, i actually bought fake vomit (three kinds) online.

so today i am here to tell you i experienced a HUGE exposure therapy. luke spent 12 hours throwing up. i got the call from daycare that luke had thrown up not once but twice. i didn't have time to think; i went right to daycare. by the time i got there, he had thrown up once more. before we got in the car, he had thrown up a 4th time. all in all, he spent the next twelve hours puking (with a diarhea combo). my anxiety was actually under control for most of the actual event but now i found myself most anxious as i process it. i am also anxious about future pukers in the family--will jack start throwing up? josh? me? my anxiety definately comes out when i do not have control over situations--no one has control over puke. this leads me to ponder, is my anxiety really related to puke or just letting go of control?

thanks for listening today (whoever you are out there) and supporting me through my anxiety. this took a lot for me to write today. i am tired of living in the "mental health closet"--there are so many stereotypes and stigmas over mental health. people think if you have anxiety, depression, etc. you must be weird, sick, or in great need of help. since i have taken control over my anxiety (well most days have it under control...which ironically connects to the last sentence in the above paragraph), i am proud of who i have become. i am a much more stable woman. my moods are not so "topsy turvy" and i am a much MUCH happier woman. i am also a much better mom.

Unique Christmas Gift Opportunity!!

My Mother in Law, the very talented Linda Boyer, has written and published a children's book! I Love You BIGGER Than the Sky is a heart felt story of how love comes full circle. It has captured my heart and the hearts of Jack and Luke. The water color illustrations she painted are absolutely enthralling and beautiful! If you are looking for a UNIQUE, wonderful and heartfelt Christmas gift, there is a website below where you can purchase the book. (www.blurb.com if the link below does not work) I think it would make a fantastic gift for new parents, a daycare provider, a special child in your life, your own parent, a neighbor or just someone you want to share love with. Check it out!

I Love You BIGGER Than the Sky by Linda Boyer

kitchen helper

Luke helped dad in the kitchen tonight:) he cleared the table with mom and then proceeded to bring imaginary things from the table to the sink:)

A doe, a deer, a female deer

josh, the warrior hunter, bagged himself a doe on friday morning. he and dad boyer were out for all of five minutes friday morning before spotting and killing his doe. he spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon cleaning his deer and hunting more. we will now have a freezer full of jerky and snack sticks as i have no intention of cooking doe (which josh carefully and thoughtfully named "Meat"). friday night dad boyer went back out and snagged himself a doe (named "Meat 2"?). poor uncle aaron, who is the original warrior hunter responsible for getting together this gang of warriors, has not snagged himself a deer yet--there is still hope!

Big Boy Bed Update

so it has been 3 nights in a big boy bed for young luke, and we have had some ups and downs. the first night went swell, friday night went so so and last night was rough--he does not get out of bed as one might expect, instead he cries when he gets into bed and then throughout the night actually rolls out of bed. he must have inherited my restlessness. we are disucussing the need for a small guard rail but....probably not! it is not a tall bed by any means and he is resisilient :) watch for more updates!

The boys sure are busy busy busy!

I decided a short video of the boys would be nice for those friends in MN who haven't seen the boys--this is NOTHING special....just the boys being boys :) and in the clip, you get to:

1. See my messy house
2. Hear Jack ask if we have an emergency
3. Watch Luke imitate his brother
4. See both boys expend energy

BIG BOY BED (Knock on Wood)

Knock on wood but it has been 15 minutes since I laid Luke down for his first night in his big boy toddler bed--Josh took off the front of his crib :) Before bed, Luke had a great time jumping on it, climbing in and out (in and out, in and out, in and out), and even brought a bunch of duplos up with him to play. We will have to see how the night pans out!

Little Readers

Jack has loved reading for quite some time but Luke has not really expressed interest in it until JUST THIS WEEK! Al l of the sudden he cannot look at enough books. He "talks" about the stories, points to things, wants us to read to him and seems to REALLY enjoy it. I had an awesome 30-60 minutes with the boys tonight where we sat in Luke's glider and read stories together. I asked Josh to come down and get some pictures but of course the boys were "done being readers" at that point. He did get a couple and I will try to get them loaded. I love that the boys love to read--We both LOVE to read and want to pass that on to our kids! :)

Time

where does all of our time go. it is simply amazing to me how quickly i can "waste" time....for instance, i had 1.5 hours this afternoon to myself to be productive--could have scrapped or cleaned--but what did i do instead....played on the computer most of that time... i did get my desk cleaned off and a few bills paid but still it is simply amazing that the time flew by. example 2: josh is waiting for me right as i type to finish ghostbuster's (quality 80's movie btw) and what am i doing instead--spent 30 minutes playing on my computer--email, facebook, blogging, more email, shopping for christmas, etc. at least i am a multitasker time user!

Neighbors are Great

My neighbors are great--they are fun, friendly, helpful and all around just nice. Our kids play well together but, in my opinion, more importantly, we get along well as adults. Shannon is so enjoyable to hang out with and Scott is a great guy. We are blessed to have such wonderful people around us--especially after we had MULTIPLE awesome neighbors in MN. We miss our MN neighbors so much!!!!

Addedum to Previous Blog

Highlight was that the boys slept great at grandparent's house.... however, it was just as fantastic that we only had to drive a bit over an hour to spend time with my parents :) We took the boys out of daycare early on Friday so we could leave as soon as I was done with work (and remember I am only 2/3 time at Sparta) which means we got an entire weekend with my parents--not just a tiny chunk! It was so great to throw a few things in a laundry basket, load it into the car (car did not even become a low rider as in the past when we had to pack our entire house when we traveled from MN), and zip North! We LOVE LOVE LOVE living in MI!!!!!

Weekend with My Parents

We headed up to Cadillac this weekend to visit with my parents! It was a fantastically relaxing weekend--we spent a lot of time playing with the boys, eating good food, hanging out with my nephew Ben and brother Tom (plus met a "new" girlfriend...), visiting with my grandparents, and playing more with the boys. Josh was able to get some quality time in with Jake--they said it was just like the "good ole days"--took in a movie, ate at Taco Bell, talked, watched tv and drove around! :) I made it over to the Cadillac Band Boosters Craft Show (alone time as my parents stayed with the boys during nap time)--I can't even remember the last time I was there! I picked up a marshmellow gun for Jack--I am now the cooler parent in his eyes :) We made it over to Frosty Cup for a cheap yet tasty breakfast and of course got dinner after church on Saturday. The kids were so well behaved in the car (knock on wood) and slept great at Grandma and Grandpa's house!!! This was probably the highlight of the weekend--Jack slept in his own room, in his own bed, without a fuss! I didn't hear him when he woke up early on Saturday morning but Grandpa did and took care of him. When I woke up I found him in Grandpa's room, wearing one of Grandpa's sweatshirts and watching cartoons! Luke is getting too big for a pack n play so we decided to let him have his FIRST big boy bed experience--he slept with me on the double bed:) I was so proud of him--he listened to his music like a good boy and fell asleep BOTH nights without fussing at all! This made our lives OH SO MUCH better! Parents who get good sleep are much happier!

Lazy Weekend

What a fantastically lazy weekend...just what we all needed after our weeks of colds and sniffles! I was able to sneak in a few naps, played a few rounds of cards with family, trick or treated on a warm 60 degree night, cleaned a few rooms, did a bit of school work, had a campfire, watched some Harry Potter and finished a GREAT book (The Memory Keeper's Daughter) and did it because I wanted to, not because I had to! We had so much good family time together :)

Okay enough warm fuzzies for now :)

Little Shadow

Luke is a little shadow of Jack--whatever Jack does, Luke wants to do as well. Jack uses the potty, therefore Luke wants to use the potty as well. I remember when Jack was 18 months or so, he too went through a phase where he wanted to sit on the potty and flush as well. That's right folks, it was just a phase--nothing came of it! I figure this too is a phase for Luke but one that I am content to humor. Luke will come to one of us, grab our hand and walk us to the bathroom--all the while "talking to us" as if we can figure out what he is saying. He gets into the bathroom, points at a book and tries to put himself on the potty! If Luke wants to sit on the potty (does not go yet but does a LOT of sitting), it certainly cannot hurt in the potty training department. He makes sure he flushes and washes up after :)

Halloween Fun

Happy SPOOKtakular Halloween from The Boyer's :)

Jack and Luke, aka Doctor Boyer and Lumber"Luke", had a marvelous time! Thursday they had a HUGE party at Daycare Brenda's and won tons of fabulous prizes through various games and Bucket Bonanza! Friday we Trick or Treated in town by Aunt Sarah and Uncle Aaron's house and helped them hand out candy! Jack and Luke ENJOYED the candy, were very wound up but in the end crashed hard and slept great through the night :) We had a VERY fun time!

Costume Info...Jack chose to be a doctor and loved every minute of it :) He took my temp this morning because I have a cold and he wanted to make sure I was okay :) Luke's costume stemmed from his OBSESSION with the toy chainsaw--that kid takes it all over the house! A lumberjack didn't fit due to his name so he became a Lumber Luke :)